Objects in the Mirror….
Philippians 3:13 – Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead
Let me start this post by saying to the married guys out there, DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE!
The main reason we, as Christians, propose “til death do you part” marriage is because it is Biblical.
But, as a divorced man, I am starting to understand the reasons behind that. It is very much like driving a car. As you are driving the speed limit, you begin to see that car speeding up “on your left.” (that was an inside joke that only Mimi and her boys will understand) As that car gets closer, you think it is a few car lengths behind you, but it is really right on you and you run the risk of an accident if you change lanes. Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.
And that is just how it is with past marriages.
You might think that the past is far behind you, but it is really much closer than it appears.
I want to share my story here for those who might be going through something similar. But I want to preface this that I am currently in the throes of this and haven’t always made the right decisions or act in a loving manner. Also keep in mind that the effects of divorce will most likely last your entire life. There will be some good growth that comes from it, but there will also be negative baggage as well.
When my marriage ended years ago, I remember pleading with my now ex to just let me in. There were many nights I cried to her and to God for just to be included in what she was thinking, what she was doing. I had spent years not including her into my life, and when it came down to the end, she wouldn’t let me into her life.
Fast forward to the present.
Matthew 6: 31-34 – Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Mimi and I have been dating, pretty hardcore now for almost 2 years since we first claimed the status of “in a relationship.” But, about a year and a half ago, Mimi moved to the area. She was going to move to Virginia anyway, but a few months after that, to ramp up the relationship, she moved to Maryland, about 10 miles from me.
She gave up everything to move here.
When she did, I almost immediately put the brakes on the relationship. Not completely, but I would not let her and her family into my family completely. It took me almost 6 months to invite her to one of my kids’ soccer games.
Soon after moving here, Mimi started asking me to let her completely into my family. Unfortunately, I was scared. Just as my ex would not let me into her life, I would not let Mimi into mine.
That has been one of the factors that have led to our recent issues.
Mimi is a wonderful woman. I am very blessed to have been brought together with her. And because of the baggage that we both have from our past broken marriages, our relationship is at risk.
That is a painful place to be.
You see, since I was completely broken by my ex not letting me into her life even though I begged for it, I must have subconsciously told myself that I would not let myself be hurt like that ever again. Unfortunately, when we do that, we end up hurting others because of our walls.
I owe Mimi an apology for the wall I have in my heart. Regrettably it is a wall I never would have really found until I was in a serious relationship. But it is a wall nonetheless.
Moving forward, I am unsure of the future of Mimi and me. It is something we have been discussing a lot lately. And it is a discussion we need to be having.
So how does one move forward?
Well, I honestly believe that marriages are meant to be forever. God put that plan in place, I believe, because of the damage divorce does to his creations. It causes significant pain. It causes us to build walls that we may not even know we have until we need to confront them.
But what about if you are already divorced and dating someone?
First and foremost, give it to God. God is the only one who can show you where the walls are and how to take them down.
Second, stay close to the person you love. If you begin to break each other down, then that leads to a vicious cycle that is hard to end.
Finally, study the Word and learn about what love is. If you fortify your heart and soul with the constant definition of love, then you will practice it, even when your walls are trying to block it.
So I hope my story helps others a little. I don’t know how this story will end, so hopefully I will post another update near the end of the summer. And hopefully we will have a happy ending to this story.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 – But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.