Creator of earth & heaven, why am I filled with question
Defeated in my spirit. One empty man, desiring Your plan
Proverbs 21:5 – The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.
Ministry is such a fickle calling. The majority of Christians, in America at least, desire to have their ears tickled rather than salt poured on their wounds. We have trained ourselves to think that God’s blessings come only when we get what we want.
Now the inside of me is empty, the ones I have trusted have left me
But still I’m not forsaken, led by the hand of the Son of Man
Proverbs 16:3 – Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.
Your kingdom is so much bigger than what we make it out to be. Your kingdom is the present perfect tense! It is and it is yet to come. You have directed my path every step of the way ever since I called out to You.
My life has not been an easy one. Yep, it was, for 38 years. I grew up in a pretty stable family. Before I came along, though, I know both my mom and my dad, before meeting each other, had tough lives. It is one of the big things that I respect about them.
But for 38 years, I was fairly insulated from pain.
The past 12 years have been hard. And I am not saying that lightly. I mean it feels like someone has placed a shackle around my feet, attached a large boulder to it and told me to go climb Mt. Everest.
In 2011 I not only committed my work to the Lord, but I committed to work FOR the Lord. So plans were put in place to make that happen.
2011 is when the calling and my life truly intersected.
And so I will wait
And though my heart aches
Nothing can cause me to ever turn away
There is so much pain in this world that my heart wants to break
Proverbs 24:27 – Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house.
I prepared my work and got everything ready. By 2016 I started building the house that You asked me to build, preparing to go into vocational ministry.
You called me, Lord. You called me to intersect with those whose lives were without purpose, like mine was for 38 years. You called me to reach into the mire of peoples’ lives and show them that You are their one and only way to salvation.
2018 you blessed that day in early December. The house was now built.
But until You choose to deliver me, I choose to wait
Proverbs 24:3-4 – By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.
Lately, that house has been rocked. Figurative earthquakes have shaken the foundations. Figurative floods have destroyed some of the beautiful treasures inside the house. As the figurative house ages, I am learning that the equipment needs to be upgraded. I still need to place weed killer down so the crabgrass doesn’t break up through the driveway. I need to maintain the house you helped me build.
So that is my prayer today.
How can I maintain the house You helped me build?
What does that look like?
Last night I stood outside my house and simply looked at it. How do I know what needs to be replaced, upgraded, and repaired?
Short answer is that I typically stumble across it. Yes, there are reminders that I have in my phone to replace filters and I know that during the summer I will need to cut the grass weekly. But I won’t know the shower cartridge has a problem until there is a leak. And I won’t know a light is bad until it burns out.
The same can be said for this spiritual house I am in. There are things that I do daily to maintain the house. I read Your Word. I spend time in prayer. I study to show myself approved by You.
But there are areas that I won’t know are wearing out until they break.
Proverbs 27:23 – Know well the condition of your flocks, and give attention to your herds
But hopefully, through study of the Word and prayer, I can learn to see the conditions of the house before too much begins to fail.